I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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