true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
