i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
