I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How external is "for external use only"?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
