Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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