All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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