i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Less talking, more tequila
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is Oprah even human
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
