I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
