it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
