Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I understand Curling. That high.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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