Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize