she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sext me about skeletons
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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