He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
