Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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