sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
