I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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