it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
