I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I love having hate sex.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
