There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
