He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
