he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
