I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
