we made out on top of his cat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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