someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm both gender and math confused
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
