I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
