I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
honey bunches of taint.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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