hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
