Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
