there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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