We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
