Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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