Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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