I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
