just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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