Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
