I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
