I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
