So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
