i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
