I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
