Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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