Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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