I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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