I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
