I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
