remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
