Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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