Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
