i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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