Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
